What is the difference between looking for marriage and seeking a husband / wife? One could be forgiven for thinking that this is merely two different ways of describing the same thing, but in actual fact these are two very different statements.
When someone is looking for marriage they often have a quite different agenda than someone who is seeking a life partner.
Focusing purely on finding someone to marry means that you are seeking someone who is single and open to marriage. Its a case of ‘ You are looking for marriage, I am looking for marriage so we may as well marry’.
But what about compatibility, mutual interests, expectations and aspirations? Just because two people are single and COULD get married, it doesnt always mean that they should!
When we are lonely and afraid that we will never find love, it can leave us vulnerable to people who are not really interested in us as a person, but in what we represent.
This can be something as simple and seeking a partner who is wealthy, who can provide for us, enable us to live a certain lifestyle, and give us security that we may not otherwise have, but it can be far more sinister than this.
When we are purely looking for marriage we can often ignore red flags, fail to address issues as they arise, fail to set healthy boundaries and find ourselves being abused and disrespected.
When we are seeking a husband / wife, we approach the interaction in a totally different way. We want to know that this person will be a good match, that the relationship will be stable and consistent, that there is open communication and mutual respect. If we feel that our needs are not being met then we are ready address this immediately and we are willing to detach if things fail to improve.
When we just want this person to marry us, we can often find ourselves walking on eggshells, constantly bending to the other persons needs and desires and morphing into a different person just to ‘keep the peace’, and not ‘rock the boat’, as creating friction will jeopardise the chances of a wedding taking place.
Dont wish for what you want too hard – you may just get it…….
There are FAR WORSE things in life than being single. Marrying a person just for the sake of being married, to fit in within your social circle, to avoid being lonely, for money, possessions, a passport / citizenship or to escape current circumstances – are NOT good reasons to get married! Bringing a ‘father / mother figure’ into your home to help you raise your children is only a positive thing if this person knows how to BE a father / mother and is ready to embrace your children as their own.
To avoid finding yourself in a marriage that could range from unhappy to violent and abusive, it is ESSENTIAL to get to know who the person REALLY is and not just who you would like them to be, and how easy it is going to be to get them to commit to you.
Getting married is easy, escaping from a bad marriage can be extremely difficult.
Like this article? Read my book Relationships, what YOU need to know!
By Fiona Beck