So this is a Soul Connection.

Love and Relationships, Soul connections Add comments

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One of the most frequent situations that I encounter in my work is people who seemingly get ‘stuck’ at the stage where a soul connection is confirmed.

This often begins with overwhelming emotions, heartbreak, a roller coaster relationship, an immense connection with another person and total confusion as to why this feels as it does and what can be done to ease the pain. It can often be accompanied by signs and indications that this ‘isn’t done’, also known as ‘synchronicity’.

Establishing that someone is experiencing a soul, or karmic connection is only the beginning of what can be a very long journey, the duration often depending on ones willingness and ability to embrace the trials and lessons that it brings and do the work needed to overcome the obstacles.

The problem is that the term ‘soulmate’ is so misused in the media, that when faced with a client who is distraught and desperate for good news, confirming a soul connection can sometimes do more harm than good.

To a person who doesnt fully understand the dynamics of soul connections, confirmation of such can lead to further heartbreak and sometimes unhealthy obsession. This is where clarity is needed and a willingness to take the good news, (this is a soul connection, you are not going crazy), along with the bad news (this doesnt change until you do and you have MUCH work to do on YOURSELF).

Common problems that arise at this stage:

This is my soulmate, we are destined to spend the rest of our lives together and I just have to wait until he / she realises that and comes back to me. In the meantime I will get endless psychic readings to give me the much needed reassurance that he / she IS coming back. All I have to do is sit here and wait. WRONG.

If I get enough psychic readings I will eventually find someone who can tell me WHEN we will reunite, when we will get married and how many children we will have. WRONG.

There is only ONE person in the world that I am destined to spend my life with and there is no one else in the world for me so I have to hold on to this person as they are the only one who can fill my needs, make me feel loved and worthwhile and bring me happiness. WRONG.

Allow me to dispel some of the myths surrounding soul connections.

A soul mate is anyone whose presence in your life brings growth. Very often they will trigger your deepest issues and insecurities, which can then cause more pain than you ever imagined possible. In many cases, you are unknowingly having the same effect on them, you literally mirror one another.

A common scenario is two people who meet and feel an immense connection. One of the people has deep insecurities and abandonment issues. They fear rejection and may have experienced it many times in the past. They feel this intense connection and they embrace it, but not in a healthy way. Their insecurities mean that they embrace this connection in an overpowering, obsessive, needy way, totally ignoring their own needs, completely lacking personal boundaries and allowing the need to be with this person to overshadow what is actually happening on a day to day basis.

The other person has similar issues, but they manifest in a different way. This person is also insecure, fears rejection and abandonment but they dont cling to this connection in the same way. They deal with their deepest fears by running away from anything that has the potential to hurt them. In other words, the moment they feel love, they also feel fear of rejection and to avoid that pain, they seek to escape the situation, often without a word of explanation and frequently just as things appeared to be getting better.

When this happens, it is the worst possible scenario for the person who was holding on so tight. All of their fears, insecurities, needs and unresolved issues from the past are immediately brought to the surface and the pain can be immense. EVERYTHING that they feared hits them like a freight train. Everything that they fought so hard to avoid, by holding on to the connection so tightly, hits them all at once.

The thing is that all the time they were acting out their own insecurities and holding on to this person so tightly, they were actually failing to see the other persons fears, in fact they were actively TRIGGERING those fears because the constant giving, lack of healthy boundaries, acceptance of ANY behaviour and clingy neediness was EXACTLY what made this person feel insecure. When someone associates deeply loving another person with being vulnerable, out of control and at risk of being hurt and abandoned, then giving love unconditionally is the quickest way to send them reaching for the running shoes.

Both parties in this scenario had deep issues and they were perfectly matched to bring them all to the surface. But this confirmation is just the beginning and very often it is precisely where people get stuck.

First of all we have to get past all the common misconceptions of what the term ‘soul mate’ actually means. Dating websites often portray this encounter as someone very special who is predestined to enter your life and that the two of you will walk off into the sunset hand in hand, and live happily every after. This is further reinforced by fortune tellers who claim they can predict when you will meet this person, what they look like etc. All of them supporting the notion that this will be a perfect trouble free match that will bring you eternal happiness. While a soulmate will often force you to face and address your inner demons, and doing so can bring you immense growth, it doesnt come gift wrapped with hearts and flowers printed all over it. Change is hard. We are often resistant to it, and if your life is unhappy, then bringing someone new into it, without addressing what made you unhappy in the first place, will often result in two unhappy people. There isnt another person on the planet who can heal what makes you unhappy, but a soulmate will throw salt in your deepest wounds and constantly remind you that they are still there and you still need to deal with them.

Too often I find that people just dont want to do the work on themselves. They hope that things will just change and this person will return and all will be well. Quite often the person DOES indeed return, but guess what? Those issues are still there festering under the surface and it wont be long before they explode onto the surface again and everything is right back where it was last time.

How many times do we need to be shown what we need to address before we stop hoping and pretending it isnt there and trying to build what we want without making good the foundations? In an ideal situation we only need to be shown once, but all too often in soul connections we go through endless cycles of pain while we struggle with our own growth.

One of the most common ways I see people getting stuck is when they join forums and chat rooms, buy self help books and seek out people who are experiencing something similar. In the initial stages this can be a comfort, it can be informative and helpful and ease the pain. But it MUST be balanced with a healthy dose of reality.

Misery loves company and sitting in a forum full of lovesick victims over a long period of time is not only unhealthy and depressing, but it can also interrupt personal growth. You know you have a soul connection, you know what you have to do, you know what will happen if you dont do it. Yes others can help and support you and you can offer the same in return but lets keep this in perspective.

Spending all your free time going over and over and OVER what someone else is doing, how they are feeling, why they acted as they did, how much it hurt you etc, is NOT addressing YOUR ISSUES. Getting readings about what they are thinking and feeling, who they are with and what they are doing is NOT living your life for you, and finding your own personal balance and happiness.

Constantly obsessing over synchronicity and listing how many times you saw a car the same as his, how many times you saw the number ’11’ today, how much you dream about him, how you feel his energy, how you KNOW its not over, is NOT healthy. I am NOT suggesting that it isnt REAL. I am not saying ignore it totally and do not even acknowledge it. I am not denying that there are forces and energies at work that we can only FEEL, but I will leave you with these questions and please, be honest with yourself;

Have you become so caught up in the romance and dynamics of soul connections that you invest more energy there than actually addressing the issues that the connection brought YOU?

Do you spend more time and energy thinking about the connection than concerning yourself with the most important person in your life – YOU?

Do you read multiple articles on soul connections but only embrace the parts that allow you to romanticise the connection, while ignoring the parts that urge you to make yourself the priority?

Be honest with yourself – are you STUCK?

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One Response to “So this is a Soul Connection.”

  1. Jackson says: | Reply

    Dear Fiona,

    Through your article, “So This is a Soul Connection,” you have proven yourself incredibly adept at describing EXACTLY every aspect of what I have recently experienced! It’s hard to believe no one has commented.

    I only hope you are still around so I may learn from you, for not only am I so hungry for such growth, I’ve known this has been of necessity FAR too long. I’m such an extreme case my condition has robbed me of at least half the life I’ve spent on this planet and threatens to rob me of the rest unless I take immediate, decisive action. I’m just not quite sure how to go about working on myself and doing my inner work.

    Please help. My tormented soul and its healing are at stake.

    Thank you for what you have already provided me with, just in your article alone, whether I’m able to find you or not.

    Kurt

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