Ten basic rules for internet dating

Love and Relationships, The people you meet online Add comments

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1) Once you have established that you want to get know one another, arrange to chat on webcam. As SOON as possible. This is the next best thing to meeting in person, but with none of the risk. If someone has been misleading about their appearance you will see it right away. If they are only willing to talk to you on webcam when they are at work, when everyone in the house is asleep, or when they are at a friends place, it could indicate that they are in a relationship and just seeking some online interaction. The sooner you find out the better and the less time and energy you will waste.

2) Be honest! Make sure that YOUR pictures are bang up to date, clear close ups, with no hats, sunglasses or other disguises. The last thing you want to do is show up for a date or webcam meeting and see disappointment / shock in someones eyes because you do not look like the person in the pictures on your profile. You may have been 20lbs lighter 3 years ago but they will be meeting you NOW and that means how you look TODAY. Take at least 1 full length shot. In my research it became apparent that men lie about height and women lie about weight. If you are 5ft 7ins, then state this on your profile – don’t say that you are 5ft 10ins and hope that no one notices. This is especially important when you are close in height to your date. When a woman dresses for a date she doesn’t want to wear 5 inch heels and find that she is towering over the guy who claimed to be 6 inches taller than her. You can avoid this by stating your REAL height.

3) Avoid group pictures on your profile. No one wants to see what your friends look like, nor do they want to try and figure out which one is actually you. Imagine how you would feel if someone sent you a message telling you how hot you are, only to find out that they were talking about the person standing next to you in the shot! NEVER post pictures of young children on these sites. This should be basic common sense but a surprising amount of people still do this. Its irresponsible and potentially dangerous. It sends a message that YOU are irresponsible for doing it.

4) Spelling and Thesaurus check is your friend! In a regular face to face dating environment you may never know that someone cannot spell, so you would not form an immediate judgement about this. Online its the second thing they see after your picture. If your profile is hard to read or full of errors you WILL be judged. It says you are uneducated, limited and don’t care enough to check it before you posted it. Also avoid writing your profile in ‘txt spk’. If you want to have broad appeal avoid limiting your audience to people who choose to communicate that way. This is NOT a text message, its your chance to find someone to share your life.

5) If people contact you who are not displaying a picture and offer to email one to you, refuse. They may say they cannot have their picture on a dating site due to their job. Dating sites are full of Cops, Firefighters, Government employees and people from all walks of life – all displaying pictures. The chances that this excuse is valid are very slim. What is more likely is that they are married or seeing someone and they do not want to be found out so they need to be incognito. If you are ready to be upfront about who you are, for all to see, then they need to be too.

6) Google is your friend! Once you know someones dating site username, actual name or email address, simply entering that name into Google can often reveal a lot of information. They may tell you that they are not on any other dating sites and a simple search may reveal that they are on several. They may have told you that they live in a certain part of the world and a search reveals that they live someplace else, WITH someone else. In some cases the info revealed can be far more sinister. They could be wanted by the police for assaulting an ex partner, they may be dodging Child Support, they may even have profiles in different names. Find a site where you can also do a search on their images – you may find those images on other sites using different names. Do all of these checks BEFORE you meet them in person and BEFORE you get too involved.

7) Avoid ‘selfies’ of you posing in the bathroom mirror. Its cheap. Smile, don’t pout. People want to see how you look in your natural state, not doing your impression of a trout.

8) Avoid posting pictures of you car, your house, your cat or last years trek up a mountain. If you are featured CLEARLY and ALONE in these shots then great, but no one wants to see pictures that you are not in. They are there to find a date, not view real estate, re-home an animal or plan a vacation. Also remember that while posting your 8 bedroom mansion on your profile may generate some interest – its unlikely to be genuine sincere interest about you as person, which brings me to number 9…..

9) If someone is too focussed on how much you earn, what car you drive or what kind of neighbourhood you live in this is a red flag. You need to ask yourself if they are interested in you as a person or your net worth.

10) Be ready to have fun and kiss a lot of frogs. The chances of finding lasting happiness on any of these sites is very slim so try not to take it all too seriously. Its a way to meet new and interesting people that you would never have met had you not joined the site. Anything else is a bonus 🙂

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