The soul mate ‘Runner’.

Love and Relationships, Soul connections Add comments

Dr.Diva Verdun - Empowerment Coach, Spiritual Practitioner, Mini

Much has been written about soul connections, and how we feel an enormous connection to someone, sense that they feel it too, only to experience the devastation of having them walk, or some cases RUN away.

This can then send us into a downward spiral of unimaginable grief, where we question the connection, ask ourselves if we imagined the whole thing, and assume that we must have been fooling ourselves because anyone who was feeling the intensity that we felt, would never have run away – and the ego just LOVES to be right.

So lets take a peek into the world of the runner. They felt the same connection that we did, they experienced all the emotions, the synchronicity, the energy, the magnetic pull, but with a difference – IT SCARED THE LIFE OUT OF THEM.

This isnt the kind of fear that comes when you are faced with an instant danger, that kind of fear can be rationalised and it passes as soon as the danger has passed. The fear of the runner is all pervading, its the kind of fear that sits in the pit of your stomach, wakes you up at night, leaves you feeling uneasy, at risk and vulnerable. The worst part is feeling that as long as you remain in this connection, so does the fear. It can invade every day life, affect your work and interactions with family and friends, leave you feeling constantly exposed and ‘raw’. Day after day, week after week feeling in a state of ‘high alert’. Its exhausting. There are of course underlying issues, as in all soul connections, that are the reason for what would appear to almost everyone, as a crazy and irrational fear – everyone that is, except the runner.

In the life of the runner, the constant heightened state, the endless worry, the feelings of dread become too much and they start to realise that the ONLY way to make it stop is to run away.

The desire to just ‘feel ok’ once again overrides any love or sense of attachment that they have for the other party. They may even seek to devalue the entire interaction as a way to justify to themselves and everyone else that this was something that was no good, and that they SHOULD walk away.

But it doesnt end there. Once the runner has pulled away, the fear subsides. A sense of normality returns and things are then viewed in a new perspective, they miss the connection, fear of the intensity is now replaced by fear of losing the connection for good and they reach out…..because they still feel the love and all the things that you felt.

This is probably the most critical time in the entire cycle, because it is the golden opportunity to address issues and make changes. But it is also the most dangerous time. When someone has run away from us and we experience the maelstrom of emotions that come with feeling rejected and abandoned, then the one thing that we want more than anything is for the runner to miss us, to regret what happened and to COME BACK TO US.

When this happens, the last thing in the world that we then want to do, is hold this person at arms length and question their intentions, after all, they run away when things get too intense and we sense that if we push things too much they will make for the door once again – but asking questions and requesting that they explain their actions, is precisely what we need to be doing. When someone is in ‘runner mode,’ nothing you say or do will change how they think or feel at that moment in time. However, when they are reaching out, and seeking reassurance that you are still there, still open to them and ready to reconnect, you have the golden opportunity to say what needs to be said without them running away, this is the stage in the cycle where they are most open to listen to what you have to say, because they want something from you!

Sadly, this opportunity is often missed due to fear of ‘spoiling’ things now that everything appears to be back on track, but the sad truth is that until the issues that triggered the runner to run have been resolved, the only potential outcome here is that they will run again.

How many times do you need to have someone leave you before you address the REASON behind their fears? That aspect is down to your own free will, it can be once or ten times, you choose.

I often tell clients that I see where they are and where they need to be, and I can explain what they need to do to get to the destination, but they get to choose how many times they stray off the path, how many times they walk in the opposite direction and how much effort they put into taking the fastest route. No time scale can be applied to your free will, its in your hands!

Like this article? Read my book: Relationships – what you need to know

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16 Responses to “The soul mate ‘Runner’.”

  1. sam says: |

    I am so pleased to have found this site and your insightful and inspirational outlook on soul mate connections. My SC and myself have had a ‘connection’ since we were 10 years old which survived years of separation. We never forgot each other even when we were both separately immersed in our own lives. We finally admitted our feelings for each other in our mid forties. However I quickly became the ‘unconditional giver’ and he became the runner. I am so pleased to have found you Fiona. What you wrote about the dynamics of two insecure people in a SC love scenario is exactly what I have been going through. It was like reading the story of ‘me’ in this relationship. i have done just about everything you said someone in my position would be likely to do, before and after he ran. There has been a lot of pain but I feel if I learn from you I can start healing myself. I need to get myself a Kindle so I can read your book! Thank you!

  2. Melanie says: |

    I have met my soul mate and I was the one to run away. The intensity of the emotion was too much and he felt the same strong emotion but I was overwhelmed by fear so I rejected him. I went back after a week but he is unwilling to speak to me now. Our connection was magical and I so wish to reconnect with him.

  3. Fiona says: |

    Hi Amanda, I dont offer a question and answer service on my site, this section is purely for clients to leave comments. Details of how to book a reading can be found here http://fionabeck.com/?page_id=25. Thank you for your interest.

  4. Amanda says: |

    Hi Fiona :) A hugely insightful blog that hits the core of my situation – I recognized for me the reason behind my SC coming into my life & then “running” was to bring forth my own issues of fear etc & I have recently started Theta Healing sessions which has helped immensely.
    We are still in contact although trying to minimize this – we no longer physically see each other but 2 days ago he said he would return in person my stuff when I told him he could just post it as I fear my progress in self healing will be affected. I know every ounce of my being will want to open my arms but I know the result will be him running again. My question to you is what questions would you suggest I ask to question his motives – like u said in yr article – I don’t want to allow the cycle to continue xx

  5. Fiona says: |

    Amy please contact me directly fionabeck@hotmail.com Details of how to make an appointment can be found here: http://fionabeck.com/?page_id=25

  6. Amy says: |

    Hi Fiona, I keep reading this article over and over, I am pretty sure i found my soulmate, but I am so confused, it really is consu,ing to say the least, he is the runner..

    I also see that you do readings, could you be able to tell a soulmate and hopefully help with guidance?

    t

  7. missbelieved says: |

    Wow im glad i just found this, i have allowed it twice now out of fear of loosing him in a year, and it’s crazy cause this was my plan of action for the next time! just waiting for it lol but i’d had this exact same thought after testing some other things.

  8. Dee Anderson says: |

    This all makes so much sense, I never thought of it like this and I am so glad you explained it so well. Thank you.

  9. kata Stauss says: |

    Can I just say what a relief to find someone who actually knows what theyre talking about on the internet.

  10. Renata says: |

    I know you are a busy lady, but please write more often! I love to read your blog and really enjoyed your book – love that its now on Kindle!

  11. Ameria says: |

    I have read much about this topic and this is excellent. You keep it REAL and make people take control of their own destiny. Looking forward to our reading on Saturday.

  12. Bobby says: |

    Perfect piece of work you have done, this internet site is really cool with wonderful info .

  13. dominacja says: |

    Thanks for good article. Hope to see more soon.

  14. Vickie says: |

    This was totally Awesome and I am experincing this right now and for the past four yrs. This article is so helpful.

  15. Chevalle says: |

    My runner came back to me 25 years later. One would think it would all be bliss. During the interim, his weight ballooned up to 320. The soulmate energy is there, the feeling of completeness is there, etc, etc. But the obesity is ruining the relationship. The soulmate attraction is all messed up from the repulsion of his size. I cannot live with him and I cannot live without him. This is one reunion that is not ending happily. If you think runners coming back to you is the answer to everything, then for those of you where it worked out that way, good for you. But for me, I almost wish he were still gone.

    • Fiona says: |

      Its important not to confuse a soul connection with a relationship. Soul connections are about growth, we dont get a lot of choice, thats why we are here. Relationships are about free will, an option which we can choose to embrace – or not. When you refer to a ‘happy ending’ there is an assumption that all soul connections are about having a relationship, which is not the case. Runners do not always have to come back in order for karma to be cleared and in some cases they come back and we find that we no longer want them, because their purpose in our life has been fulfilled. If you are replused by someones size perhaps this is telling you something about why you wanted this man so much in the first place. Love in its true form is unconditional.

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