The 12 year old Soul Mate.

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Dysfunctional behaviour can be very hard to address, particularly in a Soul Connection where healthy boundaries can be notoriously hard to establish and keep.

When someone is emotionally closed and resistant to any kind of growth they will constantly walk the path of least resistance. The path which allows them to continue to behave in the same way and act out the same issues. Even when they may be aware on some level that this is not productive and is actually blocking any personal growth or healing.

Change is hard, its easier to remain as you are. Change takes bravery and a willingness to be open and make oneself vulnerable. To open that Pandoras box of pain and dysfunction, and examine the contents is a scary prospect. That baggage would not have been so deeply buried in the first place if it was not so painful and toxic.

The main problem with leaving it buried is that its impossible to be selective over what gets locked away. When someone shuts down emotionally it can become a suit of armour. Nothing gets in, nothing comes out. Its all or nothing and that’s what makes it so scary.

Whatever is left on the surface will get played out like a sad old routine over and over, and whatever is locked away will remain there. This is when it can start to feel as if you are dealing with a 12 year old. The more time that passes, the more this becomes obvious. When you are hearing the same tired old routine that you heard ten years ago it is evidence that the REAL person is still in lock down.

A 12 year old has a limited dialogue. They are on the cusp of being an adult but they are not fully comfortable around adults. They struggle with intellectual conversation, intelligent debate and mature dialogue because they are insecure. They feel uncomfortable and out of their depth.

In the case of the 12 year old Soul Mate the emotional dialogue is one of the things that is limited. To be fully present to explore feelings, emotions, vulnerabilities and weaknesses requires the bravery of an adult. As adults we know the risks that we take when we make ourselves open to others. We know that we are giving them access to our hearts and that this is a gamble, but the desire for what could be an incredible union outweighs the risk. We feel the fear and do it anyway. Because we all want to love and be loved and we know that in order the receive love we need to be open it and return it in equal measure.

This is where the 12 year old Soul Mate gets stuck. He wants to have his needs met without having to take responsibility for someone else. He wants to show up, have fun, have his ego stroked, feel the high that comes from the connection and then run away the second that something ‘grown up’ is expected from HIM.

Signs that you may be dealing with a 12 year old Soul Mate

The things they say and do are the same as they were 10 years ago.

The conversation consists entirely of small talk, general chit chat and banalities.

If you attempt to draw them into a deeper and more fulfilling conversation they will back away and refuse to engage, because after all they are only 12.

They will try to belittle you and poke fun at you. This is clear evidence that you make them feel insecure. If they cannot grow up enough to reach you in adult land, then they will try to drag you down to their level. (You owe it to yourself and to them NOT to go there).

They will sulk and withdraw if you have expectations of them growing up.

They are experts at the silent treatment. They don’t ignore you because there is something wrong with you. They ignore you because they do not have the emotional intelligence, the maturity and the capacity to engage you with adult to adult. If you keep refusing to allow them to remain a child they will slam the door in your face, climb into their box of toys and seek out the company of people who are willing to engage with a 12 year old. Until those people start to notice that they are dealing with a 12 year old in a adult body.

The 12 year old Soul Mate is a bit like one of those dolls that talk. You pull the string and you will hear a random sentence, out of a selection of perhaps 10 pre loaded sentences. Fun in the very short term, but no one buys a talking doll with a view to having a fulfilling adult interaction.

They will continually disappoint you with their lack of depth and substance. Its there, but its locked away.

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