When Soul Connections are controlled by fear.

Love and Relationships, Soul connections Add comments


Growth is triggered by many different things. Social factors, life experience, environment, and probably most significantly, soul connections..

We are all here to grow and evolve, to become the best version of ourselves. But how does that growth happen?

Quite often the most significant opportunities for growth come as situations which force us to face our issues. But its not easy. It requires being open to exploring what is going on, being vulnerable, and resisting the urge to run away.

The relationship dynamic that I want to explore here is the one that consists of a battle between immense love and deep seated fear.

With fear comes the need to control, but this comes at a hefty price. When someone makes us feel vulnerable the effects can often be felt on a physical level. Rapid heart beat, light headedness, upset stomach, inability to sleep or slow down thoughts and just BE.

This can result in a number of ego based reactions that are related to the fight or flight reaction. Sometimes a combination of both. Withdrawing from the situation and refusing to communicate is both fleeing and fighting. The need to run is flight, doing so is an act of aggression upon the relationship.

When you consider your actions it is important to examine your motives. Do you intend to punish this person for something they said or did? Do you seek to empower yourself, and control the situation, by coercing them into complying with you under threat of vanishing if they do not? Is your intention to condition them into behaving the way that you want them to? Or you are just scared and unable to control the emotions that are surfacing when you are around them?

The most important question to ask oneself in this situation is, ‘How important is this person to me?’.

If this encounter is not important, if you do not carry significant feelings, then the only consequence of running away is that it may be viewed as a hurtful way of ending things, and you may be viewed in a bad light. But that has very little impact on your life.

But if you have deep and sincere feelings for this person and they have immense love for you, then your actions, while they may be understandable, can have a catastrophic effect on the relationship.

Healthy relationships are not perfect, but they flourish when two people are committed to being with one another. When issues arise they communicate, they listen, they make one another feel heard and they are willing to do so in a loving and respectful way. Nothing can be resolved in silence, and with silence comes doubt and insecurity.

‘Ghosting’ is abuse. Why someone does it, even if the motive stems from fear, with no intention to cause pain, it does not change the fact that this kind of behaviour can be devastating to the person who loves you and, over time, to the bond that you share.

If this becomes a pattern then it changes the relationship dynamic in a detrimental way. The first time you do this to someone is the deepest wound. It can leave them shocked, traumatised, confused, depressed, devastated.

It also causes an ego injury and all the ego wants is to be shown that it was not rejected. The fragile ego will wait and hope and long for reassurance that it has not been abandoned. It is also one of the reasons, along with the love that they have for you, that you might not be rejected the next time you reach out.

You may attempt to get things on track but there is a now a new ingredient in the mix. Doubt. Ideally this would be something that you discuss and resolve so that you can move ahead, but the very reason that this doubt has appeared is due to your tendency to run rather than resolve, so communication then becomes difficult. Fear is never far away. Insecurity grows. You may find that the person you ran away from now begins to behave in a slightly different way. The irony here is that the shift in their mood may intensify your fear and trigger those same issues that caused you to run, after all, you were insecure from the start so sensing that they are less open than they used to be is not going to improve that is it?

The one who was abandoned can turn into the runner.

That person who was so devoted to you, so ready and willing to make things work and so heartbroken when you dropped off the radar will gradually become less open, vulnerable, trusting and more wary and suspicious. People who are abused grow a thicker skin, they become defensive, they go into self preservation mode. They become hyper-vigilant and are less likely to believe what they hear. Your actions are now magnified. If you are little less attentive, behaving in a way that is treated as suspicious or a little distant, it may be perceived as you getting ready to run again and you may just find that they run first.

So let me ask this question again; How important is this person to you? Which life do you choose? One with them or one with your issues? Your choice.

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